When we’re Lovestrong we’re empowered and better equipped to recognise the early signs of abuse before they worsen. Watch the video and learn more about the signs to look for to help keep yourself and your loved ones safe.
If you’re experiencing any of the signs or recognise them in the relationships of your friends or family, head to our resources list below for support.
Recognising abuse can be challenging because it often starts with subtle signs that build over time. Trust your instincts – if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.. It is in no way a woman’s responsibility to prevent abuse. But by empowering ourselves and each other to be Lovestrong and to know where to find resources to help, we can create a safer, stronger community for everyone.
Stay informed, stay connected and stay Lovestrong.
“I’m just better with it, I’ll look after the money.”
When a partner controls or has the final say on financial decisions, it removes our economic independence, and limits our choices and freedom. Many abusers take advantage of their partner not feeling confident and knowledgeable about money matters. But remember, it’s your money, you get to decide how to spend it. Partners could withhold money or only allow spending on family stuff, leaving nothing for personal care or enjoyment. No matter the situation, we all deserve the freedom to spend and manage our money in a way that suits us.
“It’s all in your head, that’s not how it happened. You’re so dramatic.”
Does your partner make fun of you in front of others or challenge your opinions? From mocking our appearance to lying and making us question ourselves, this kind of behavior can really chip away at self-esteem over time. Our partners should be our biggest supporters, not someone who holds us back.
“What were you doing at the pharmacy this morning?”
Let’s chat location sharing. Theres a fine line between doing it for safety and a partner misusing it to monitor our moves and behaviour. Sometimes, tracking may be disguised as care or protection. But if they’re showing up unexpectedly, commenting on our day-to-day movements, or we feel forced or coerced into sharing our location, that’s not okay. Even if we agreed to share our location before, we can change our mind and withdraw access at any time.
“If you trust me, you’ll give me access to your account.”
Our digital world is a huge part of our lives, helping us stay connected and express ourselves. But some feel they have the right to control how we use them. If someone is trying to dictate who we talk to or what we post, that’s a big red flag and can put us at risk of being isolated. Your phone and social media are yours to use as you wish.
“I hate when you wear lipstick, who are you trying to impress?”
Experimenting with fashion and make-up is meant to be an enjoyable and fun way to express ourselves. But if someone uses that to control or embarrass us through our style, it’s a problem. It could be a critic of our choices, or an accusation of trying to impress others. The control can even be disguised as a compliment, like insisting they prefer you without make up. We should always be able to make decisions on our own appearance, embrace our style and express ourselves freely.
“I’m going out but I’d much rather you stay home tonight.”
You know the phrase “Do as I say, not as I do”, well, have you ever been told to follow a rule by your partner that they don’t abide by themselves? Every relationship is unique, but respect, trust, care, and honesty are the stapes of a healthy one. No one should dictate what we can and can’t do, or who we can or can’t see, especially if they don’t hold themselves to the same standards.
“I was only joking! You get scared so easily.”
Feeling safe around a partner is the bare minimum. Intimidating you for a laugh, driving erratically or pretending to be physically violent, these are just some of the ways an abuser will try to exert power. It’ll often be brushed off with the excuse of it being a joke, ‘joke’, but it’s only a joke when you’re laughing too. We deserve to feel safe and respected.
“We haven’t had sex in ages, don’t you love me anymore?”
Sex should be an exciting and meaningful way to connect with a partner, and never feel like an obligation or duty. Whether in a relationship, married or single, we don’t owe sex, sexual acts or sexual content to anyone. Even if we’ve enjoyed something in the past, it doesn’t mean we’re obligated to do it again. No means no. It’s as simple as that.
“Your sister never supported us, I don’t understand why you still see her.”
You know that feeling when love feels so intense, like its just you and them against the world? Some can take this to a whole new level, but not in a good way. They may start to cut us off from family and friends, little by little which can be isolating and dangerous. Sometimes they insult the people we love or try to distance us from those we care about, and this to can reach a point where they don’t allow us to talk with anyone but them. No matter what they say, it’s always up to us to decide who we hang out with. We deserve to be surrounded by love and support, not in isolation.
“I was just upset. I did it because I love you.”
When you notice any of the signs we’ve talked about, does your partner try to brush them off? Maybe they say they were just joking, or they’re only acting that way because they love you and want to protect you?
There is quite literally no excuse for abuse of any kind. We deserve to feel safe and respected in a relationship, no matter the stage. We don’t need to accept excuses for abusive behaviour and feel Lovestrong in any relationship.
Do you recognise a sign in your relationship or the relationships of your loved ones? Have you or a loved one experienced domestic or sexual violence?
Find support services in over 200 countries on the NO MORE Global Directory.
Below are resources for supporting women experiencing abuse from a partner. If you recognise any of these signs in your own or other’s relationships, get in touch and get support.
Having An Abuse Partner Can Look Like...
Domestic Abuse: The Scale
Myth: Domestic Abuse Is Always Physical
Signs Of Lovebombing
